Welcome to the searchable database of quotes from the TV show “I Think You Should Leave”. Below, you’ll find a sampling of some of your favorite quotes. Enjoy the convenience of easily searching for specific quotes by using the search bar or by switching to the dropdown and searching by your favorite sketches.
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Banana Breath, Season: 3, Ep: 6
Back away, banana breath. What the hell did you just eat? A banana?
Parking Lot, Season: 2, Ep: 5
No, I don’t know how to fucking drive. I don’t know what any of this shit is, and I’m fucking scared.
Barley Tonight, Season: 3, Ep: 1
I have so much stuff on my phone. Music, apps, games, obviously. A medieval game, obviously. Obviously a jousting game. I have no problem being on my phone for hours and hours. I love my phone. I even have an alarm on my phone.
Bigger than a horse’s? I like the sound of that.
Magicians Suck!, Season: 1, Ep: 3
Look… we will stay married and raise the kids until they’re out of the house, but I will not respect you, and I’ll make sure the kids don’t either.
Dan Flashes, Season: 2, Ep: 2
I found this badass store called Dan Flashes, that’s my exact style.
Coffin Flop, Season: 2, Ep: 1
They’re saying they want to drop Corncob TV because we showed over 400 naked dead bodies on our show Coffin Flop. If you love Corncob TV shows, it’s time to tell Spectrum, “No.”
Darmine Doggy Door, Season: 3, Ep: 2
My life is nothing I thought it should be and everything I was worried it would become because for 50 seconds, I thought there was monsters on the world.
Well, you parked your car over the sidewalk. Where I was walking. So I crawled under your car and my ponytail got stuck. Now I got a car stuck in my ponytail and I’m fucked! And I need a little help.
Focus Group, Season: 1, Ep: 3
You flinched, Paul! Now you have to marry your mother-in-law!
Baby of the Year, Season: 1, Ep: 1
His father didn’t need to do the oral. And that is why this is so tough… for me to tell about the oral.
My date’s eating all the fully loaded nachos. All the ones with the meat and cheese and everything, the ones that are fully loaded, she’s hogging them, so I’m mostly getting just, like, just chips. Like mostly just chips, like nothing on ’em, but, like, a little bit of cheese and maybe one little nugget of meat.
Prank Show, Season: 2, Ep: 1
I don’t even want to be around anymore.
– Carmine Laguzio
Instagram, Season: 1, Ep: 1
Slapping down some pig shit with these fat fucks, and I’m the fattest of them all. If I died tomorrow, no one would shed a tear. Load my fricking lard carcass into the mud. No coffin, please, just wet, wet mud… bae.
I’ve seen every cock on the planet. I’ve seen everyone naked.
– Santa Claus
Pay it Forward, Season: 3, Ep: 3
55 burgers, 55 fries, 55 tacos, 55 pies, 55 Cokes, 100 tater tots, 100 pizzas, 100 tenders, 100 meatballs, 100 coffees, 55 wings, 55 shakes, 55 pancakes, 55 pastas, 55 peppers, and 155 taters.
The bones are the skeletons’ money. In our world, bones equal dollars. That’s why they’re coming out tonight to get their bones from you. The skeletons will pull your hair. Up, but not out. All they want is another chance at life. They’ve never seen so much food as this. Underground, there’s half as much food as this and the worms are their money. The bones are their dollars.
Big Wave, Season: 2, Ep: 6
I almost killed myself, Julie!
Baby Cries, Season: 2, Ep: 2
You think this is slicked back? This is pushed back.
One time she drank a jar full of mucus just so she could get a backpack.
Claire’s, Season: 2, Ep: 6
Sometimes I put my dad in JibJab videos so he’s alive again.
– Ron Tussbler