The highly anticipated sequel, It Starts with Us, will be released next month. USA Today described it as “the type of book that is passed down,” and BookTok is buzzing about it. It Ends With Us, Colleen Hoover’s bestselling novel, was the sixth best-selling book of 2021. The quote on the cover asserts, “Every individual with a pulse should read this book.”
Both halves of the couple are understandably burdened by their pasts. Lily had a childhood marred by the traumatic experiences of witnessing her father’s physical and sexual abuse towards her mother, and unfortunately, she became a victim herself. On the other hand, when Ryle was just 6 years old, he tragically and accidentally shot and took the life of his beloved older brother with a gun that should never have been within his reach. Despite these haunting pasts, Lily has achieved success as an entrepreneur, while Ryle has shown exceptional talent as a neurosurgeon. The novel primarily revolves around the relationship of Lily and Ryle, a young newlywed couple residing in Boston.
Within the pages of this book, readers will discover an understanding of the reasons behind her decision to remain by his side. By being able to perceive their circumstances with clarity, victims gradually lose the balance that exists, leading to a breach and distortion of boundaries, which is where Hoover’s perspective becomes all the more captivating. It is during the initial stages of their marriage that Lily starts subjecting Ryle to physical abuse.
Lily suffers from a severe concussion and cuts, which render her unconscious and tell everyone that mistakes make humans, but chance deserves another. The first incidents of abuse occur in the heat of the moment, in which Ryle loses his temper. It is a tired cliché that abusive men often apply, but Ryle, who is tormented by his inner demons, desperately wants to be portrayed as a good man.
The third incident reveals Ryle to be sadistic, premeditating, and cruel. It is not an example of control losing its soul, but rather a chilling portrayal of a calculated and violently sexual attack, contrary to the portrayal of a poor, tortured soul.
Ryle remains disturbingly calm throughout the attack. Lily, who is unconscious, experiences a head-butt and a scream-inducing bite, resulting in multiple physical injuries in an attempted rape. She is too afraid to disobey, but this current ex-boyfriend’s recent newspaper article about him humiliates and frightens her. He directs her to read it aloud and then pauses to instruct her to take off her shirt. He forces himself upon her, choking her in response, and she asks him to stop because he is hurting her. He demands that she tell him who gave her the magnet while he pulls her hair and digitally penetrates her, causing her pain. He initiates a sexual encounter with Lily. She discovers that the magnet, which was given to her by her high school boyfriend, has been kept by Ryle in the small gift refrigerator. He waits for her in the dark and becomes enraged with jealousy when she returns home that evening.
This guy is not a good guy, he has a bad temper, and now there’s a complicating factor — this monster. I haven’t proved to you how much I love you because he is doing it, even claiming attempted rape. He planned this attack, waited for Lily, and then methodically carried it out. But here’s the problem, there’s a logic issue — he never snapped into it. Then, during Lily’s time, he expresses remorse.
After being treated for her injuries in the ER, Lily learns that she is pregnant. She enters another agonizing cycle of wondering what to do and whether there is any hope for her family. Despite the fact that she still loves Ryle, she decides to break the cycle and divorce him in order to remain strong. He will have to turn to her for knowledge on how to reconcile with the fact that she still loves him, if there is any hope for their family.
“At the end of the novel, we see Ryle and Lily, who are co-parenting their daughter after their amicable divorce, clearly intending to redeem themselves, despite Ryle being a violent sex offender picking her scene with violent days.”
Lily cannot ignore the perilous nature of the situation. She even questions, “If I were to consider your disposition, would I have any worries about what kind of mother you would be?” Ultimately, despite what has transpired between us in the past, she expresses, “It doesn’t matter how I feel about it, legally he has the right to be the father of this baby.”
This is not necessarily accurate. Visitation or custody without supervision with the abusive parent, where any form of sexual or physical violence has occurred between the parents, is generally not permitted and goes against the best interest of the child. The fact that Lily doesn’t press charges or document what happened doesn’t change the reality; it simply means that the reality is not documented.
Lily ultimately decides that parents have to work through their differences and bring a level of maturity into the situation to do what is best for their child. Ryle is simply a guy who has “differences” with his child’s mother about the number of hours spent in daycare or the allotted screen time, manipulating and victimizing women with a dangerous criminal history.
A reviewer described this book as profoundly beautiful and inspiring, with a raw and honest portrayal. However, it could be argued that it almost glorifies and romanticizes a dangerous-but-charismatic man who ultimately delivers a decidedly anti-feminist message. It feeds into the very structures of toxic masculinity that it claims to combat, and it is filled with red flags. Like many movies and books, it is complicated and ultimately damaging.
I don’t still understand the reasons for and critique honestly the game fair books that Colleen Hoover writes for her readers of all ages and the scope of her platform, but I don’t agree with the actions of the fictional characters and we don’t need to write ethical or moral role models. Hoover has no ethical or moral obligation to write them. It’s a blatant shirking of the barest parental responsibility to protect her daughter; it’s Lily’s decision to co-parent.
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