Everyone says that participating in “True Reality Show” is all about showing the truth. Alex and I have extensively discussed our participation in the “Best Parent” podcast. They informed us about the production process, including the cannon confetti for the “semi-finals” and the eliminations in the competition show.
It is devastating to see how much violence and hatred are raging throughout America, proving that my “style” of life is the only right way to exist. Even though my husband and I deeply respect and love each other, we can still disagree on our views and come from different backgrounds. We loved the idea of sharing the “stage” with diverse parents, both single and couples, from all over America. We believed that it was important to have the opportunity to show how much we have in common with America, especially among straight parents raising little boys who know how to accept and love gay married men. Ultimately, we knew that there would be no financial profit in joining this show and neither my husband nor I wished to become famous. We also didn’t understand why we should join this show and why we shouldn’t, so we thought long and hard about it.
I took the Parent Test on being from a different place, and I realized that there are eight things here. It wasn’t all bad – the series of therapy sessions made me feel messed up about going through them. However, I’m going to have to go through with it because I believe that this is what most of humanity needs right now, and I made a conscious decision to be vulnerable because of that. It made me feel messed up about going through the series of therapy sessions, but there was a cost associated with it. So, even though I wanted to demonstrate it and honestly believe that this is what most of humanity needs right now, I made a conscious decision to be vulnerable because of that. I took the Parent Test on being from a different place, and I realized that there are eight things here.
Lesson One: My Parenting “Style” is NOT Routine
If you look at the challenges we face as parents and how we can understand and talk about them, it’s important to give them space and figure out how to identify our emotions in parenting. I believe in an Emotion-First style, where we adjust our parenting approach based on our kids’ needs and our own style. While there may not be defined “styles” of parenting, I do insist that routine is a valuable framework, especially for parents of multiples like triplets or twins. I now realize that I didn’t fully understand what this meant, but looking back at the whole experience, I see that we were labeled as “routine” parents because we needed structure and a schedule. It’s like being on a production show with the parents as the stars.
Lesson Two: Morning Energy (Thank You, Sarinas Family!)
I never thought that something as basic as morning prayer could be so worthwhile. I think it’s a beautiful way to start the morning, like a child who has never experienced it before. Even though we’re still doing it every morning before breakfast, my family and I have decided to approach it with a sense of lightness and love, as if we are “receiving” the energy of prayer. I’ve also had a couple of conversations with Annie about her healing work, which has really moved me.
Lesson Three: Service the Community (Thank You, Mills Family!)
It was amazing to see how much more we can do. We started helping Good 4 Gay with delivering and packaging food for Thanksgiving, and as a family, we have already found a couple of places where we can volunteer. It is important and fulfilling to experience giving selflessly at many levels. There is something so fulfilling about giving back. I was absolutely inspired by how kids in our community help and care for each other, and I want my kids to be that way too. Seeing how they raise each other up and care for one another is truly inspiring. Then I thought, Abe should run for President because he practically solved America’s problems. This is also a good thought to begin with. Instead of experiencing the opposite of my religion, I love that The Mills are so amazing to me.
Lesson Four: Family Cooked Dinner (Thank You, Yadagar Family!)
The children are open to trying new things because we want to have more quality family time. However, I want to skip the time-consuming task of cooking because it doubles the mess. So, let’s eat a home-cooked meal together and I welcome you to send me recipes. I suddenly had this image of stepping out of our comfort zone and learning to cook with our parents while talking in the kitchen. I remember seeing Yadagar, one of the girls in the household, making a dish in one of the videos.
Lesson Five: Don’t Open the Door! (Thank You, Wynne Family!)
I didn’t realize that I had an inner voice until I discovered that I actually enjoy mimicking it, especially when I talk to my kids about people ringing the doorbell. It’s funny how Sara’s authoritative voice emphasizes the word “don’t” (which reminds me of the episode Danger Stranger), but we haven’t discussed it yet.
Lesson Six: The Feelings Notebook (Thank You, Andrea!)
It’s an amazing tool, not only for exercising problem-solving skills but also for helping him regulate his anger levels. It has been working perfectly for him for a couple of months now. Instead of turning his anger into a world of anger, he manages to turn it into the notebook. In addition, he will also be awarded a special amount of iPad time for solving some problems. We talk about it and write down what makes him calm and what makes him angry. He will write about his issue of losing his sh*t instead of getting angry every time. This month, he will write in this notebook with Ben. I decided to spin it a little and now my kids will definitely do something with it while they are young. Andrea’s daughter is too embarrassed or shy to talk about it, so she can write her ideas down in a notebook that she can lay around.
Lesson Seven: I Own My Struggle (Thank You, Day Family!)
I have decided to try to be more like Lis, who does not understand growing and evolving, and embraces her imperfections and struggles. I honestly believe that striving for perfection leads to negative emotions and deprives us of meaningful connections with ourselves and others. Instead of constantly trying to paint a perfect picture, I believe that it is false to perceive ourselves and others as “more perfect” than we truly are. I remember Alex quietly telling me that she wants to be a male, and I admire her for owning her imperfections and struggles. She has grown and learned from them, and is not afraid to be vulnerable. I was in absolute awe of her authenticity. From the moment her mouth opened, I knew that she is a woman who is not afraid to show her true self. It means a lot to me to know Lis, Jason, and Elisabeth before the first episode aired. I don’t know the exact order in which the episodes were filmed, but you should know that they were not filmed in the order they were shown on television.
Lesson Eight: How Hard It Is to Be Judged
Criticism can be devastating. However, despite receiving criticism from some parents on the show, we have learned that we cannot please everyone and we must continue to work hard to convince ourselves that we are good parents. It is important to remember that we can evolve and change, and it is not satisfying to see ourselves as something that is not good enough. We may not be able to help how others perceive us, but we should not let hurtful criticism define us. It is natural to want to have a better experience and feel superior when we receive praise or positive feedback from others, but it is not necessary to seek validation from others in order to feel worthy. This is a lesson I have learned from my cultural background.