I finally got a positive pregnancy test when we completed the road to completing our family after four years of emotional torment and bad luck. I know what you shouted to anyone who would listen, Mark.
According to Mila Kunis, the actress and stunningly attractive individual who is expecting a child with Ashton Kutcher, my words were inappropriate and ill-advised.
She launched into a phony announcement service. When the host, Jimmy Kimmel, corrected her on Live Kimmel, Kunis revealed that she and his wife are actually expecting a child in February, making the segment truly comical.
She joked, “Are you crying alone in your car, listening to a stupid Bette Midler song? No. Do you want to squeeze a person the size of a watermelon out of your lady-hole? No. Do you have a very special message for all you soon-to-be fathers? I’m Mila Kunis, saying ‘We’re pregnant,’ to stop.”
Although I disagreed with the premise, I still thought it was well executed and found it amusing. In fact, I even posted it on Facebook, along with a message saying that I disagreed with the message. It was done skillfully and it even elicited a chuckle from me, despite someone claiming, “I’m pregnant, says who?”.
And that’s when things turned unpleasant.
Those women on the right are. And I began arriving in droves!” Your most sacred orifices have to stretch, aren’t you,” I am!” We aren’t carrying the baby,” like “I am carrying the baby,” like “I thing. We’re apparently very touchy about the whole pregnant thing, some women are.
Men will never know what it’s like to endure the whole process of childbirth and carrying a child, which is much harder than what dads and women have to go through. We haven’t even experienced a miniature version of Bloodsport with Jean-Claude Van Damme or lost control of our bladders when we haven’t been drinking. Men cannot get pregnant.
(I inquired of her.) And it’s definitely not how my spouse comprehends it, however, that’s not the intended meaning of “we’re expecting a baby” when I utter it.
I am fully committed to embracing the role of being a parent, even though I am aware that not everyone understands the significance of this journey. However, what is truly important is the fact that I am genuinely thrilled about becoming a father. This phrase, “excited as hell,” accurately conveys the level of enthusiasm I have towards this life-changing event. It signifies the reality of the situation, which is that my partner and I are expecting a baby.
I’ll visit the OB all by myself, I’ll read the baby books, I won’t come near you with stinky food, and I don’t even smell it, but you think it smells, but you think it smells, so to avoid vomiting for the 456th time, I’ll eat in the basement.
During her moments of longing, I provided her with Kit-Kats and grapefruit (yes, truly), supporting her during contractions by holding her hand, and assisting her through the feeling of sickness by holding her hair back. I stood by my wife’s side throughout the entire process, despite not experiencing the physical hardships of pregnancy and childbirth.
Alternatively, consider it from this perspective:
I am a crazy person with my sports. Actually, I am a lifelong Boston Red Sox fan. While I am not a professional athlete, I have played and watched every game, and I have been influenced by the outcome of the games through a collection of “lucky” trinkets that have brought me good fortune. I have also subscribed to the local cable channel that shows baseball games and have invested money in team merchandise and tickets. That means I have sat through the dark years of the Patriots’ pre-2001 era and the dark years of the Red Sox.
Despite never donning a strapping football jersey or Sox on the pads, I guess what teams said when my favorite championships were won by them.
Even though we are technically pregnant, my wife understands and appreciates the intentions behind my words, and she disregards some of the biological impossibilities. She might feel differently and too fine with owning each other.
During a time like this, when we are expecting a baby, it is important to have a partner who is loving and supportive. Instead of arguing about semantics, we should focus on the meaningful message that the expectant parent is trying to convey. I’m confident that if we listen and actively participate, we can send the most productive message. It is encouraging to see more fathers stepping up and getting involved.