Dave Chappelle’s ‘SNL’ Opening Monologue—Read in Full

Dave Chappelle commenced his hosting gig on Saturday Night Live by addressing topics such as Kanye West and anti-Jewish sentiments.

After a protest at its headquarters in Los Gatos, California, hundreds of Netflix employees even walked out of the company. Dave Chappelle, the comedian who previously received criticism for his special on Netflix in 2021, faced backlash from advocacy groups and members of the LGBTQ+ community for making jokes that targeted transgender people.

Consequently, the declaration of his hosting role on SNL was greeted with disapproval.

“Wait I thought I terminated him. Is it conceivable that cancel culture isn’t a genuine phenomenon??” One individual expressed on Twitter.

What the hell? SNL host Dave Chappelle is once again back as the host, and he’s slapping people in the face, including one of his own new cast members. Lorne must be shocked!

“I dislike being reminded that the general population and even the creators I admire do not show concern for my community. It is not shocking but deeply painful to see Dave Chappelle on SNL,” expressed psychologist Dr. Sebastian M. Barr, who frequently writes about transgender well-being.

When Chappelle came back to host the show for the third time on Saturday night, he addressed various other topics.

Read the complete script of Dave Chappelle’s Saturday Night Live opening speech:

Thank you very much for being here tonight, I just wanted to read a brief statement that I prepared before we start. Thank you so much.

Kanye, how is it that you buy yourself some time, and I stand with my friends in the Jewish community, denouncing antisemitism in all its forms.

After they made that statement, I have never encountered someone speaking positively. ‘The’ and ‘Jews’ are those terms in the English language that you should never utter together. I grasped this concept early on in my profession, and I have likely been practicing it for 35 years now, and I must confess to all of you.

Initially, I simply desire to observe… Allow me to witness the forthcoming events. However, on this occasion, I thought to myself, ‘You know what, um, I promptly arrive when he’s in distress, I usually come to his aid. Kanye has encountered certain predicaments in the past.

What is he doing to the Jews? I was up all night worried. He just went to bed and what is he going to do to the Jews? I’m gonna get some rest when I wake up, but I’m feeling a little sleepy. It was like I’m feeling sleepy, but I can’t even remember how it started.

I have Jewish friends, so I’m not alarmed by the customs and traditions of your community that I was exposed to while growing up. Whenever they would say, ‘We can’t go out, it’s Shanana tomorrow,’ they would suggest, ‘Hey, let’s hang out after school tomorrow.’ I have gained some understanding about it simply through spending time with them, often asking, ‘What exactly is Shanana?’

I have numerous inquiries. Why do certain individuals attire themselves in a manner similar to Run DMC?

Dave Chapelle attends the U.K. premiere of “Dave Chappelle: Untitled” at Cineworld Leicester Square on October 17, 2021 in London, England. The comedian opened up his “Saturday Night Live” appearance on November 12 by talking about Kanye West. Samir Hussein/WireImage/Getty Images

After waking up from his nap, Kanye immediately started working.

‘Snap,’ I exclaimed, ‘and I grabbed my necklace.’ Wealthy individuals do not adorn themselves with currency.’ He declared, ‘I am a billionaire.’ They responded, ‘What?’ ‘Only individuals with a net worth of millions wear chains,’ Kanye asserted. And various accessories, including gold chains, adorned their bodies. And the rappers that I admire, such as Noreaga. It was a remarkable occurrence. And it was a fantastic episode, uh, I saw him on the Drink Champs podcast about a year ago.

The educator has exceeded the pupils. Nazis established Adidas. Promptly, Adidas discarded that derogatory term. ‘What’s next?’ Adidas cannot discard me and I can express prejudiced remarks, he stated. On this occasion, he was furious about something. He returned to Drink Champs once more upon awakening. However, it was enjoyable and amusing. It was a commendable performance.

He had broken the rules of showbusiness, if they were Jewish, it’s never a coincidence. If they were Italian, it’s a mob. If they were Black, it’s a gang. It’s a big deal.

From He-Bro to Negro or something, this film contained certain anti-Jewish motifs and it had an unusual title. However, supposedly Kyrie Irving shared a movie he had watched on Amazon, without any description on the poster or anything of that sort. Kyrie faced backlash for it. Kanye faced significant backlash as well.

It is a well-known fact that the Holocaust was a horrific event in history. Irving’s recent comments linking Schindler’s List to his own beliefs were inappropriate and disrespectful. Thank you for clarifying your question, but it is not fair to blame all Black Americans for the actions of one person. Terrible things have happened to both Jewish people and people of other backgrounds all over the world. I understand that you are trying to establish boundaries, but it is important to recognize that this issue is becoming increasingly complex. Instead of demanding apologies and creating lists, it would be more productive for Irving to reflect on his words and offer a sincere apology. The NBA has already advised him to do so.

This is a crazy thing to say, but maybe you could adopt the delusion that the Jews run showbusiness and start connecting some kind of lines if you go out to Hollywood. If you had some kind of issue or some kind of problem, you might see that the place we run doesn’t mean what you think it means. But I’m just telling you that there is a lot of Jews, a lot of Jews, and it’s not crazy for me to think that this is a lot like that. I don’t want y’all to get mad at me, but there are a lot of Black people in Ferguson, Missouri, and that doesn’t mean that they’re all crazy like Kanye. Okay, listen, if you’re mentally ill, you can kill somebody, and it’s not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language. Mental health is not an excuse for that type of language.

Clearly, he’s unintelligent… Um, I have to admit that. But Herschel Walker, who I don’t want to be associated with because of his race, would be the most ominous sign in the midterm elections. It’s an ominous sign and it depends on the future of humanity. This midterm feels like a crazy climate and I have to tell you, we are really overwhelmed by it now.

It’s not, ‘No it’s not.’, Gazing at him with a resemblance to Barack Obama seated there while Hillary Clinton, a Caucasian woman, stood across the stage, passionately exclaiming, ‘This entire system is manipulated,’ he declared at the top of his voice. That initial debate, I have never witnessed anything of its kind. He possesses the qualities of an honest deceiver, and I am not joking at this moment. He is what I refer to as a truthful deceiver. He is greatly adored. The reason for his popularity among the people of Ohio is comprehensible to me, as I hear it every day. Many of you may not grasp why Trump was so well-liked, but I reside in Ohio amidst the impoverished white population, and I am merely being truthful with you. Now, I can understand how in New York one might perceive this as the conclusion of his era. Presently, they are proclaiming the conclusion of the Trump era while watching the news. He is the type of individual who appears to contemplate before making a move in Tic-tac-toe, and even when he is silent, his mouth is slightly ajar, like…

[Mimics inhaling]. And it [mimics inhaling] cocaine from a snorted card of membership Illuminati an out pulled he then And. Damn, I said it use I because fixed is system the know I said he what Remember? Proof your be would what propose you as fixed is system the fact in if, Trump Mr. Well said, moderator the And.’ Said he what buddy? It’s he what, it minute a wait Now ‘buddy, minute a wait Now ‘buddy, said I

Once again, the game started and he went right back into the house. We all think that everything we are doing inside the house is being observed by the commoners outside, but no one has ever seen anyone come from inside the house. No one has ever seen anything like that before. My friends were born as stars. If you want me to pay my taxes so that you can enjoy the same tax breaks as your donors and friends, then you should know that the tax code will change. This man said, ‘That doesn’t make me smart, because he doesn’t pay his taxes.’ This man doesn’t pay his taxes, which doesn’t make me smart. No one has ever heard anyone say something true and then try to punch Hillary Clinton in the taxes.

Bond James appears to be attracted to a woman who resembles that particular type, but I find her to be stunning in her own unique way. When we investigated, it seemed likely that he was colluding with Russia, which was quite embarrassing for him as a Democrat. They began to claim that he was colluding with Russia, as soon as he won, and I am telling you, I am a Democrat, but the Democrats were sore losers.

I don’t know what work you stole from, but I have been very honest with you when I took things from the office, such as computer mice and staplers. I have been fired from many jobs in my life, but I won’t take them anymore. And suddenly, this guy is famous for not reading his press briefings. Why did he get all those documents at his house?

How would it be for Colorado to become a losing America? And how is Russia losing to Ukraine? Ahhh… They were like stepping on rakes. The whole country of Ukraine was littered with traps, like in the movie Home Alone. Before we started sending them weapons, Russians were killing Ukrainians and you could find things around the house to prove it. They had weapons before. Even in the first week of the war, the Russians killed 10,000 of them, like the Vietnamese who were blessed by God. Some of those numbers are good, some of them are just damn. These guys are mean, I thought we were better than them. And lucky for everyone in the Western world, the focus has now turned to Ukraine in this war.

We have been focused on that, my friend. In honor of Martin Luther King. Sir, we should dismantle the FBI. Sir, we cannot rely on the government. African Americans, like us, have been aware of these issues for a long time. Sir, I am unable to spend time with my family. All the things that white people are currently upset about, we have been addressing those for a while. The white individuals, they resemble newborn babies who have just awakened. These newly aware white individuals, sir. Now that the midterms have concluded, everyone has moved on.

Whoever they are, they’re going to take anything away from me. That’s something those mad people say because I don’t want to deal with a sneaker. I said what? You ignore me, my special Netflix comes first. Nobody listens to me when I tell these jokes. The whole crowd was laughing, ha ha ha ha ha. And those mad people are going to take away my sneakers because I don’t want to deal with a sneaker. I said what? You ignore me, my special Netflix comes first. Nobody listens to me when I tell these jokes. Now, I see you walking around barefoot in L.A. With Kanye on his chain. This guy lost half a billion dollars in a day. This guy lost half a billion dollars in a day. This guy lost half a billion dollars in a day. This guy lost half a billion dollars in a day. Welcome back, I saw that you put your chain on and said “n*****”. It shouldn’t be scary to talk about anything. I’m getting sick of talking to a crowd with you. I love and support you to death. Thank you for your support. Whoever they are, they’re going to take anything away from me.

We have an amazing performance tonight, the best Black Star from Brooklyn is here.