The third one is “I don’t know,” the second one is “What’s,” and the first one is “Who’s.” We have the bags on, so let’s see. Well, Dean. Dean. Goofé Abbott: Bud.
Lou Costello: That is the information I am interested in discovering.
Bud Abbott: I declare Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know’s on third.
Lou Costello: Are you the supervisor?
Bud Abbott: Absolutely.
Lou Costello: Are you also going to be the coach?
Bud Abbott: Absolutely.
Lou Costello: And you are unaware of the names of the gentlemen?
Bud Abbott: Well, I suppose I should.
Lou Costello: Well then who is the first baseman?
Bud Abbott: Absolutely.
Lou Costello: I intend the gentleman’s name.
Bud Abbott: Who is he.
Lou Costello: The man on first base.
Bud Abbott: Who is he.
Lou Costello: The initial baseman.
Bud Abbott: Who is he.
Lou Costello: The individual portraying….
Bud Abbott: Who is the first baseman!
Lou Costello: I’m inquiring from YOU who is currently occupying the first position.
Bud Abbott: That is the name of the gentleman.
Lou Costello: Whose name is that?
Bud Abbott: Absolutely.
Lou Costello: Well proceed and inform me.
Bud Abbott: That is the end.
Lou Costello: Who is that?
Bud Abbott: Absolutely.
PAUSELou Costello: Hey, do you have a first baseman?
Bud Abbott: Absolutely.
Lou Costello: Who is performing in the first position?
Bud Abbott: Exactly.
Lou Costello: When you settle the first baseman’s payment every month, who receives the funds?
Bud Abbott: Every single dollar of it.
Lou Costello: What I’m simply trying to discover is the guy’s name on initial base.
Bud Abbott: Who is he.
Lou Costello: The person who experiences a wide range of humorous misfortunes with his partner, Bud Abbott.
Bud Abbott: That is the end.
Lou Costello: Who receives the funds…
Bud Abbott: He takes each and every dollar. Occasionally, his spouse comes down and gathers it.
Lou Costello: Whose spouse?
Bud Abbott: Absolutely.
PAUSEBud Abbott: What is the issue with that?
Lou Costello: Listen, all I want to know is when you recruit the initial baseman, how does he autograph his name?
Bud Abbott: Who is he.
Lou Costello: The man.
Bud Abbott: Who is he.
Lou Costello: How does he autograph….
Bud Abbott: That’s how he autographs it.
Lou Costello: Who?
Bud Abbott: Absolutely.
PAUSELou Costello: All I’m trying to determine is what’s the name of the person on first base.
Bud Abbott: No. What is located on second base.
Lou Costello: I’m not inquiring about the identity of the individual occupying the second position.
Bud Abbott: Who is currently on first.
Lou Costello: One base at a time!
Bud Abbott: Well, don’t swap the players around.
Lou Costello: I’m not altering anyone!
Bud Abbott: Relax, pal.
Lou Costello: I’m simply inquiring, who is the individual positioned at first base?
Bud Abbott: Exactly.
Lou Costello: Alright.
Bud Abbott: Okay.
PAUSELou Costello: What is the name of the man on first base?
Bud Abbott: No. Who is on second.
Lou Costello: I’m not inquiring about the identity of the individual occupying the second position.
Bud Abbott: Who is currently on first.
Lou Costello: I have no idea.
Bud Abbott: He is on third base, we are not discussing him.
Lou Costello: Now how did I end up on third base?
Bud Abbott: Why did you bring up his name.
Lou Costello: If I referred to the player stationed at third base, whom did I indicate is occupying the third base spot?
Bud Abbott: Nope. Who’s on first.
Lou Costello: What is located on the base?
Bud Abbott: What is on the second base.
Lou Costello: I have no idea.
Bud Abbott: He is on the third base.
Lou Costello: There I go, returning to third once more!
Lou Costello: Could you please remain on third base and refrain from leaving it.
Bud Abbott: Okay, what information are you looking for?
Lou Costello: Now who is playing the position of third base?
Bud Abbott: Why do you persist in placing Who on third base?
Lou Costello: What am I placing on the third base.
Bud Abbott: No. Who is on second.
Lou Costello: You don’t want whom on second?
Bud Abbott: Who is playing the first base.
Lou Costello: I have no idea.
Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!PAUSELou Costello: Look, do you have an outfield?
Bud Abbott: Absolutely.
Lou Costello: What is the name of the left fielder?
Bud Abbott: Why?
Lou Costello: I simply thought I would inquire of you.
Bud Abbott: Well, I simply believed I would inform you.
Lou Costello: Then inform me who is playing in the left field.
Bud Abbott: Who is performing as the first baseman.
Lou Costello: I’m not… Stay away from the infield! I want to know who is the person in left field?
Bud Abbott: No, Who is on second.
Lou Costello: I’m not inquiring about the identity of the individual occupying the second position.
Bud Abbott: Who is the first person on the list!
Lou Costello: I have no idea.
Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!PAUSELou Costello: What is the name of the left fielder?
Bud Abbott: Why?
Lou Costello: For the reason!
Bud Abbott: Oh, he’s playing in the centerfield.
PAUSELou Costello: Look, Do you have a pitcher on this team?
Bud Abbott: Absolutely.
Lou Costello: What is the name of the pitcher?
Bud Abbott: The following day.
Lou Costello: You refuse to disclose it to me today?
Bud Abbott: I’m informing you at this moment.
Lou Costello: Then proceed.
Bud Abbott: The following day!
Lou Costello: When?
Bud Abbott: When is it?
Lou Costello: What time tomorrow will you inform me about the pitcher?
Bud Abbott: Now listen. Who is not throwing the ball.
Lou Costello: I’ll fracture your arm, you say who’s in the lead! I want to know what is the pitcher’s name?
Bud Abbott: What is on the second base.
Lou Costello: I have no idea.
Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!PAUSELou Costello: Do you have a catcher?
Bud Abbott: Absolutely.
Lou Costello: What is the name of the catcher?
Bud Abbott: Presently.
Lou Costello: Today, and tomorrow’s throwing.
Bud Abbott: Now you understand it.
Lou Costello: All we have is a few days with the team.
Lou Costello: You know I also play the position of catcher.
Bud Abbott: That’s what I’ve heard.
Who should I pass it to? And pass it to the first baseman when our guy catches the ball, I’m a good catcher. Tomorrow, I will be pitching for my team, facing a strong hitter. I will have the opportunity to be behind the plate and catch some fancy pitches: Lou Costello.
Bud Abbott: Now that’s the initial thing you’ve mentioned correctly.
Lou Costello: I have no clue what I’m even talking about!
PAUSEBud Abbott: That’s the only thing you need to accomplish.
Lou Costello: His task is to toss the ball to the initial base.
Bud Abbott: Absolutely!
Lou Costello: Now who possesses it?
Bud Abbott: Of course.
Lou Costello: Listen, if I toss the ball to first base, someone has to catch it. Now, who has it?
Bud Abbott: Of course.
Lou Costello: Who?
Bud Abbott: Of course.
Lou Costello: Of course?
Bud Abbott: Of course.
Lou Costello: So I grab the ball and I toss it to Naturally.
Bud Abbott: No you don’t, you throw the ball to Whom.
Lou Costello: Of course.
Bud Abbott: That’s unique.
Lou Costello: That is exactly what I stated.
Bud Abbott: You’re not expressing it….
Lou Costello: I toss the ball to Naturally.
Bud Abbott: You toss it to Who.
Lou Costello: Of course.
Bud Abbott: That is the end.
Lou Costello: That’s exactly what I stated!
Bud Abbott: You inquire of me.
Lou Costello: I toss the ball to whom?
Bud Abbott: Of course.
Lou Costello: Now you inquire of me.
Bud Abbott: You throw the ball to Whom?
Lou Costello: Of course.
Bud Abbott: That is the end.